Thank you for taking your time getting to know me a little better.
I am honored & blessed to share a little part of my journey in hopes it will help you in some way.
I think the best way to share my story of transformation, much like the butterfly going through metamorphosis.
Ready..? Let's talk about "WHO I WAS" first to gain some perspective of where I started.
"Change is a necessary & vital part of life"
- Sarah Stabler
WHO I WAS...
Well, here it goes. My friends and family would have classified my personality as bubbly, incredibly outgoing, feisty, talkative, and maybe a bit obnoxious.
Here was the personal truth, on the inside, I loathed my very existence. I was incredibly insecure. I never felt good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, healthy enough or athletic enough. I wasn't the right height or weight; I didn't have the right clothes, parents, house, grades, talent, skills, or well anything. No matter what I did to compensate (i.e., being all of the things people thought I was) I didn't feel good about my life. I was a hopeless victim of circumstance, incapable of feeling any lasting happiness. I regularly questioned if I even knew what real happiness was, because well... I was terrible at everything, so why should that exclude happiness. All of this insecurity and fear destroyed my emotional health, made me feel vulnerable, highly defensive and quite angry.
My physical health wasn't much better. I was chronically sick with some form of illness, whether it was the flu, strep throat, sinuses or something off the wall crazy. I found myself diagnosed with a TON of health issues, and given boatloads of medication. My physical health created more fear and unease in my life. Doctors sometimes don't fully understand the weight of their words. I remember once being told that my brain and heart didn't communicate correctly and that they were considering the notion of stopping my heart and rebooting me like I was a damn computer. This is a small taste of what it was really like, but I am sparing you most of the details.
My mental health, well, I am sure you can imagine how that looked. I was regularly bullied by peers in school, and I even had the pleasure of being bullied by people I trusted to keep me safe, teachers and adults. My family was incredibly loving, and my parents really did their best to raise us, but we had our fair share of family issues, and our home was in a constant state of conflict. At 15, I witnessed a terrible event which brought all of my mental health issues to the surface. At this point I had more doctors in my life dishing out more diagnoses and prescribing more medication.
By the time I was 21, I was taking as much medication as a geriatric patient. Can you imagine the snowball effect this all had on my psyche? Every time I turned around I was being told I was ill in one-way shape or form, scary debilitating disorders, and more medication... I was going to be sick for the REST. OF. MY. LIFE.
In a lot of ways, I felt nothing ever really worked out for me. I was desperate to change my surroundings and experience life differently, so at 21 I moved to another state to be with my most cherished friend, the only person I truly felt I could be 100% my honest self with. Sadly, I couldn't move away from my health.
Here is where my story begins to take a "transformative twist".
"Transformation begins by unbecoming everything that you believe you are, and allowing yourself to become who you are meant to be"
A pivotal moment....
In 2007, something went incredibly right, although I don't think I appreciated this event as much as I do now. I married the most loyal, trustworthy, understanding and supportive person I have had the privilege of sharing time with. I married the one person who has always known me, always accepted me as I was, and always saw me as more than I felt I was. The man who allowed me to lean on him, sharing his happiness with me, and encouraging me to look for more in life.
Soon after we got married, we began trying to start a family, by 2009 my old companion fear, had crept back into my life. The life role I so desperately wanted to step into kept eluding me. It was at this point I felt burnt, I had one good thing happen in my 28 years, only to feel all of my happiness being ripped from me once again. After so many moments of feeling like a total failure, so many tears spent at lonely pity parties. I finally had ENOUGH! I needed something for myself. I needed to TRY to improve my life. I was in a well paying corporate job that was incredibly stressful and unfulfilling, with no hopes of finding anything better. I decided it was time, time to TRY again to do something for me, something I had always wanted to do. I DECIDED to stand a face my fear, face my insecurities and take them head-on. I had fallen flat on my face three times before when attempting to improve myself and my education, but I TRIED again. I applied to the New York Institute of Massage (NYIM), a school I had wanted to go to since I was 16, and to my sheer and utter surprise...things lined up in my favor. **As I write this, I am flooded with emotion. Tears are flowing down my face. You see, this is where my whole life began to change. I had no idea back then the impact the entire experience would have on me, but OMG....this is really where my journey begins. Everything before this moment was, well I will explain in a few minutes. Please keep reading.**
I will never forget the first day at NYIM. I thought to myself; I am going to do EVERYTHING differently. I sat in the front row; I took tons of notes, I was DETERMINED to be a good student, and learn as much as I possibly could. Flash forward one week, we had our first quiz, and I was terrified. I had characteristically been a terrible test taker (debilitating anxiety, usually got the best of me). In an instant, I was the smartest person in the room, the only person to ACE that quiz. So many years of telling myself I was stupid, and that my brain couldn't comprehend a higher education. At that moment, I began to start seeing the lies. I wasn't dumb, or stupid, or unintelligent. I remember my professor, Dr. Hyland, pulling me aside after class, predicting I would pass my NYS Massage Board exam the first time around with flying colors. At that point in my life, I had never had a professor show so much confidence in me. I felt things I had never felt before. I felt smart, for the first time I felt like maybe my life would improve. I graduated from NYIM at the top of my class, a respected student by both my peers and my educators. I had a budding career full of possibilities, and I was beginning to deconstruct the lies that kept me trapt in an endless cycle of fear and insecurity.
Through NYIM I met some of the most influential and amazing people who would assist me on my journey. My dear friend Dr. Nicole encouraged me to research my illnesses and assisted me in finding other possibilities that helped me to begin to heal. My incredibly soulful friend Don, who said very little but enabled me to see into myself in ways I could never have fathomed, which ultimately led to an immense Spiritual awakening that would help me to demolish who I thought I was, and start becoming who I truly be. I met so many others during this time that I am forever grateful for. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!
This story is just getting good... are you ready to learn how Where I am now? Read on to & Get to know "WHO I AM NOW".
"All the answers you seek are within. Your outer world is a direct reflection of your inner world. Allow your inner spirit to light your path, and inspire you to shine so bright, fear is reduced to a shadow in the corner."
- Sarah Stabler
WHO I AM NOW...
First of all, I am so honored to share my story and some time with you, and I want to thank you for you joining me....NOW let's get to the inspirational stuff.
Years of transformative growth have led me so far away from who I was; it's hard to believe that was me. I held onto those beliefs so firmly and for so long. I felt so weak, fragile, and vulnerable. I was filled with anger, resentment, sadness and TONS of fear. But I don't know if I really knew how far I had come until 2013 when my whole world would be rocked once again. My husband and I discovered we were unable to conceive children, and our relationship would undergo the most significant test it had ever come up against to date. Sadly, due to this conflict, we began to drift apart. I poured myself into my Spirituality and new friendships, while my husband poured himself into work. We were attempting to connect but found we had very little in common. Here is how I knew I was different. Instead of allowing the old fear messages to play I went to my husband, and we talked about what was happening. Together with our long-standing love & respect for each other, we were able to devote time to working to heal our relationship and focused on growing back together. After more than a decade years of marriage I can say we have never been stronger, or more in love.
Life continues to test me and sometimes health issues still come up, but where I am different is I DO NOT ALLOW fear to run the show. I CHOOSE to be inquisitive and trust in what I know. I trust my body, and that whatever information it has to provide I will be able to use it to contribute to me. I choose to ASK for more awareness & open myself up to more possibility!
I know that my health suffered all of those years because in whole I was in trapped in fear and despair. I was looking at my life and everything in it from a perspective that just kept me feeling stuck, sick & in survival mode. I have so radically changed my life; I now no longer rely on prescription medications, and anytime I am presented with a challenge I look at it from a place of love and inquisitiveness. I ask myself, "what is the truth here?"... I ask my inner wisdom for guidance, and I see these challenges as opportunities for greater possibility. Even when I look back at all the things I have experienced that I once saw as being trauma or failure...I see these things as mere moments and feel gratitude for what I have learned from everything.
I continue to grow even to this day. In December of 2017, I recognized there has been a common theme throughout my entire life that I never saw or gave much credence. My inner wisdom, my very being was utterly DETERMINED to learn, grow and move forward. I have been gifted with a youthful inquisitiveness that has empowered me to keep asking questions! There are so many moments I could've given up, that I wanted to give up, but the essence of my being coming from my heart kept planting tiny seeds of hope that grew into determination. That kept me going, kept me getting back up, trying new things, trying anything and everything to get me to where I am now. And even now through Access Consciousness® I've learned to ask... How does it get any better than this?® and what else is possible?®
I AM one of the happiest people I know. I am so happy that it's infectious. I can shift the energy of an entire room, leaving everyone in it feeling uplifted, more youthful, and inspired just by my presence. I truly care about each and every person I meet, because I see myself in all of you. I know where I have been and I know my story is not unique. We're ALL challenged, we all appear to experience traumas and despair. It's ok because I believe that you and I are one in the same. Beautiful limitless beings appearing to have an earthly human experience.
THIS IS WHY...I'm a dedicated and committed to the field of holistics & personal development. I recognize you, and I know that you are capable of things you can't even imagine. You can heal even the deepest of wounds; you can be brave enough to face even your biggest fears, and you too, can become infectiously & vibrantly happy.
Thank you again for sharing your time with me, I hope I have inspired you in some way.
If you connected with my story & want to know how I might be able to help you on your journey, I'd love to connect! Book you free breakthrough call with me here.
MUCH LOVE & BIG HUGS,